How Christmas turned into a Virtual Winter Retreat
I usually spend Christmas with Jane, my best-friend-since-we-were-14. Usually, she flies from Boise (where we grew up) to my house in Albuquerque. (My brother and aunt live here too, and she calls us her Christmas family.) Sometimes when I tell people she is coming they say, “Do you have anything special planned?” And I reply, “I just told you. Jane is coming!” No, we don’t usually have much else planned. We are too busy watching TV, eating, and talking.
↑ ↑ This is us, pre- and post-COVID, when we inadvertently switched hairstyles.
But things change, and sometimes things happen. This year, when we agreed she wasn’t coming (for reasons that are not important here) I said, “But we can still have a fun week spending Christmas together virtually.” How? Well, it’s not like we’ve never watched TV together at the same time before, while texting our comments back and forth during the show.
Then I added, “What if we added a productivity component and made it into a Virtual Winter Retreat?” Jane was enthusiastically like-minded, and so we did.
Our agenda was pretty loose, but I’ve found that a little structure can go a long way.
Each morning
Whatever time we got around to it, we shared our goals for the day. We agreed on categories and aimed for one thing (completion or progress) in each category, per day. If we had time for more, and felt like it, we did more. Some days lots more.
Our categories, including a sample day, were:
- Adulting (anything we find boring but still needs to be done)
- Me: Review budget and expenses
- Jane: Renew auto registration
- Health (including, but certainly not limited to, physical activity)
- Me: PT exercises
- Jane: Pickleball
- Short-term project (something with an internal or external deadline)
- Me: Write January newsletter
- Jane: Take donations to Goodwill
- Long-term project (something on which we want to make a little regular progress)
- Me: Genealogy research
- Jane: Clean up yard
We are both writers, so we both routinely have some short- and long-term writing goals. Check out Jane’s Wikipedia page! And if you aren’t already familiar, check out my books.
BTW, my own personal categories during the year are usually Home, Work, Self, and Others, as described in this blog post: The Chinese Menu Time Management Technique. During Virtual Winter Retreat I realized I needed to revise my goals and activities if I want to keep those same categories during retirement. And one day I worked on that. But your categories might be different, and the ones we elected to use during our retreat suited us both at the time.
Each afternoon
At 4 pm we convened for the following agenda:
- Compare notes on what we accomplished that day. No need to dwell on what we did not accomplish.
- Our lists course-corrected naturally as we went along. And we weren’t working on things that required in-depth coaching.
- Watch up to 4 episodes of a TV show we’d picked together.
- We chose A Discovery of Witches on Netflix (and we finished, and enjoyed, all 3 seasons), but it could have been anything. A few previous favorites have been Deadwood, The L Word, Shameless, and Alone.
- Eat dinner.
- Sometimes we coordinated what we were eating, and sometimes we didn’t. For example, one night we both made snack boards and another night we both ordered Thai.
↑ ↑ My snack board incorporated a mini gouda wheel and mini Triscuits in the foreground. Jane’s design echoes the snowflakes on the tablecloth. (Or wrapping paper, or whatever that is — I was focused on the food and forgot to ask!)
After a week of this (Christmas Day to New Year’s Eve) we agreed we had both been productive and had fun, too!
It was a good way to end one year and set ourselves up for success in the next.
I suggested a Virtual Birthday Retreat, around the time of our late spring/early summer birthdays, and would be willing to do it quarterly. (Maybe not a whole week each time.) But Jane wants to do it more often and is welcome to do so with other friends, in whatever format suits them.
Jane’s thoughts:
It has been a great retreat. I am proud of what I got done and thankful to your support in every way. Also, several of my friends immediately said, “I want to do that!” I am boot camping with one and will be having a weekend retreat with another next month.
Ideas for creating your own Virtual Retreat:
- Call it whatever you want: Retreat; Boot Camp; etc. Words matter. They set the tone for what you want to accomplish and how you want to feel. A Boot Camp is generally stricter and has more well-defined goals than a Retreat.
- Invite whomever you want, or create a Solo event, ala this Literature and Latte blog post: How to Create Your Own Solo Writing Retreat. (Thanks to Julie Bestry for sharing this link with me and our other NAPO writing friends!)
- Make the focus whatever you want: Getting lots of little (but important) stuff done? Making progress on a big project? Pampering yourself and catching up with friends?
- Make it however long you want. 1 day minimum, but a week (like we did) is stretching it for most people and situations.
- Communication is key. Choose a platform for sharing your ideas and comparing goals/progress. Text -OR- Email -OR- Messenger. (OR phone -OR- Zoom -OR- etc.) It will drive everyone crazy, and be ineffective, to have the messages spread over multiple platforms.
- Decide how much money, if any, you want to spend. Will there be food? Will you try to coordinate it?
- Even if your retreat is business-oriented, and even if you are doing it solo, be sure and build in some fun. It doesn’t have to be TV! (Not that there’s anything wrong with a little Guilt-Free TV.)
About participating in others’ virtual retreats
I have a couple of annual virtual events coming up that I did not plan. (I am just a participant.) The ones I am thinking of are the very public RootsTech genealogy conference and a private group Writing Retreat. They will be very different from each other, but they have one thing in common: I will enjoy them more, and get more out of them, if I give them my full attention.
How do I do that?
- I reserve the days on my calendar and do not schedule other things on those days.
- I plan to be in a quiet, comfortable location for Zooming. (In my case I’ll just be home, on my laptop, at my desk.)
- I make sure I have easy or already-prepared meals on hand.
This allows me to enjoy the events as stress-free as possible.
Have you done something like this, or think you might?
Please share with us in the comments below!
______________________________________________________
- Hazel Thornton is an author, genealogist, and retired home and office organizer.
- Hung Jury: The Diary of a Menendez Juror
- What’s a Photo Without the Story? How to Create Your Family Legacy
- Go With the Flow! The Clutter Flow Chart Workbook
- Feel free to link directly to this post! Click here to ask about other uses.
- Copyright 2025 by Hazel Thornton, Organized for Life and Beyond
______________________________________________________________________________
Share this:
Before I even read the caption, my first thought was, “You traded hairstyles!” I love it! While I’m not still friends with my best friend from when I was 14, my BFF from 18 onward and I are in constant contact even though we haven’t lived in the same since since 1989. I know how special it is to have “a Jane” like yours.
Those were crazy-delicious snack boards (girl dinner! can you hear the jingle in your head?), but what’s that in the middle of Jane’s board? Salsa on cream cheese? Cranberries on something? And I love your mini gouda wheel!
I absolutely love this idea of a virtual one-on-one retreat, and I’m thrilled that you liked the post I Literature & Latte post I shared. I’m already lining tasks up for our virtual writing retreat, but I like the idea of having the kind of parallel, kinda-sorta body doubling of the kind of retreat you and Jane did. I’m super-inspired! Thanks for writing this!
I’m glad you liked, it Julie! I purposely did not re-read the L&L post before writing mine, lest it influence me too much, but I did have it in mind. I hope my post makes the point that a “retreat” doesn’t have to include a lot of planning and resources and people to be fun and effective. I’ll let Jane tell you about her snack.
It was razzberry jam over cream cheese.
This was timely! I’m planning my own writing retreat. Thinking of categories as short-term projects and a long-term projects is definitely motivating. Though this retreat is not at home and off the grid (at least in terms of internet access), so no adulting possible, but I will definitely add that category to my staycation writing retreats. Thanks for the ideas and the additional resources.
“No adulting possible” is the best world for creative pursuits! I hope you enjoy your self-styled writing retreat, Shawndra!
I love this idea! What a great way to connect with friends and family. I want to do this with my sister, who lives in Ohio. There’s a time zone issue to sort out, but that, too, can make it fun and exciting. I’ll have breakfast while you eat lunch. And, of course, steaming TV makes time zones a non-issue. We’ll add crafting to that great list of categories you created.
You have no idea how this blog post will change friendships across the country.
Depending on the crafts, of course, you could do that together via Zoom. Let me know if you and your sister plan a retreat!
What a fun idea. You are so creative, Hazel, always thinking a little differently and allowing those ideas to draw you in new and insightful directions.
I have to say, Jane sounds like a wonderful friend. A true treasure. That’s very special.
Another random reaction – yard work in Idaho between Christmas and New Years? You go, girl! I was cozied up inside LOL.
All of those reactions aside, I think this is an idea for our modern age. A way to bring connection, accountability, and fun together with minimal cost and planning. I might toy with this idea myself… have to think about who might want to join me.
I have an in-person retreat coming up in two weeks, and I do agree that giving my full attention, for whatever period of time, helps me get the most out of it. Looking forward to being away from my phone for this one!
“An idea for our modern age” — I like the sound of that! Let me know if you do it!
What a fantastic idea! I love that you shared your and Jane’s experiences and gave ideas for creating our version of a virtual retreat. It is wonderful to see that you can make lemonade when life gives you lemons.
It was a great idea to create categories so there was some structure to your virtual retreat. It makes it much more rewarding to see what you have done.
Happy New Year!
Thanks, Sabrina! Sometimes people overthink categories and end up doing nothing. Example: An activity could fit into multiple categories — Where to put it? What to do first? But if you (I mean, they) don’t overthink it, it doesn’t matter that much. Categories are just guidelines, and you can switch it to another category (and redefine your categories) whenever you want.
I love this idea! My mind is whirling with people that might want to do this with me. It might even be more than one person! My sisters and I used to go on trips together – maybe we could do a mini-virtual retreat?
I think this idea, indeed, can be used to fill gaps as people age, travel less, and see each other less often for whatever reasons. I’d love to know what your mini-virtual retreat ends up looking like!
I’ve never done this but I’ve often wanted to. My sister has though – she will book an Airbnb for a few days so she can focus on a writing project without having to worry about interruptions or scheduled mealtimes with her spouse.
Fun fact for you, Janet: You know that blog post I recently linked to one on of your posts (There’s No Place Like Home)? I wrote it after returning home from a solo retreat DURING the time we were working on transitioning my old website to a combo WordPress website and blog.
I LOVE this idea, Hazel – these bespoke virtual retreats. The possibilities are endless. What you and Jane chose to do sounded like so much fun. And there was the productivity bonus, too.
Mini Triskets? I never saw those before and now I have to get some. Miniature everything is fun, and mini Triskets brings it to a whole other level.
I participate in a women’s only monthly virtual retreat that incorporates meditation, writing, and sharing. There is a monthly theme and prompts to get the wheels turning. But there is a lot of flexibility in what you write, and there’s no obligation to read it, however, most of us do. I treasure that time and this incredible group of women.
How lucky you are to have maintained your friendship with your childhood friend. That’s so special.
Yes, the possibilities really are endless. I hope you can find Triscuit Minis. So cute!