Why and how to write your own obituary
If you’ve followed me for a while, you’ll be used to me talking about death from time to time.
- Planning my virtual funeral – who’s with me?
- Talking about death won’t kill you, LOL!
- “We Remember” our loved ones
- Is Swedish Death Cleaning for you?
- ‘Death Cleaning’ isn’t as scary as it sounds! (4 short book reviews)
- Who will take care of us when we’re old?
- Are your keepsakes a legacy, or a liability?
- Legacy Resource Roundup
- Organizing for Your Legacy
- Aren’t You Dying to Know?
- Do You Have a Virtual Will?
Several of these posts, as well as my book — What’s a Photo Without the Story? How to Create Your Own Family Legacy — advocate writing one’s own obituary, but I’ve never gone into much detail before.
In “We Remember” our loved ones, I mentioned that my dad had written his own obituary in the form of a farewell letter. (His actual death was a surprise, but he was a planner, like me.)
I even attended a little class once, from French Mortuary here in Albuquerque. It was PP (Pre-Pandemic) so I don’t remember a lot of it. I’ve got notes, and I know where they are, but I’ll admit I never finished mine.
Think of it as a first draft
I just read what I had written so far (in my French Mortuary notes) and it was pretty cringy. The fact is that we are NOT dead yet. As our lives continue, and our writing styles change, so our obituaries need to be reviewed from time to time, just like our wills.
My advice for dealing with the uncertainty and incompleteness of it all is this: Think of it as a first draft. If all you manage is some notes about your life, that’s better than nothing, and a good place to start.
RELATED BLOG POST: On Writing a First Draft
This mug was a freebie at the (also free) write-your-own-obit class.
Remember, you will be dead
For this to be a worthwhile effort, you will need to make sure someone knows you’ve written your own obituary (or jotted down some notes to help them out). They also need to know where to find it. Even if they end up using what you’ve written differently than you envisioned, it will be very helpful.
Why would they not use it just as you’ve written it? Here are a few reasons:
- You can make it as long as you want for some memorial sites such as Ancestry’s We Remember.
- But you might want a shorter version for the local newspaper because those obituaries aren’t cheap!
- If you wrote it in first person, there might be a need for a third person version.
- You might also want shorter versions for other sites and social media platforms.
BONUS TIP #1: Do your loved ones a favor and write short goodbye messages for different uses (personal, business). Let them know exactly which social media platforms and groups are important to you and how to access and contact them.
BONUS TIP #2: Include a photo you like with your obituary. You can always upgrade it later. But lord knows what someone else will pick on their own!
It’s not easy
I never said it was easy, but it doesn’t have to be hard, either! Here are Three tips for stress-free obituary writing, from French Funerals & Cremation. They’re talking in this post about writing an obituary for a loved one, but the tips also apply to writing one for yourself. Spoiler alert, the whole post is worth reading, but here are the high-level tips:
- Don’t overthink it
- Put your feelings into words
- Get outside help
Why should we bother?
- It’s the least we can do for our loved ones who will be grieving for us. I’ve heard a will referred to as “a love letter to your family”. And I think an obituary falls into that same category, don’t you?
- Who knows us better than we know ourselves? Who would write yours if not you? Do they actually know your history and what you would (and wouldn’t) like to be included?
- Maybe you don’t care what someone else would write about you. But is there a message you’d like to leave behind? Or a favorite charity you’d like people to donate to?
Fast forward to 2025:
Holy crap! I just asked Chatty G (Open AI’s ChatGPT) to write an obituary for me, not that my need is imminent. You just never know when you’ll be hit by that proverbial bus, though!
This was my prompt:
“Please write an obituary for me, based on what you already know about me. I’ll edit it from there. Thanks!”
I was surprised at how touching, funny, and accurate it turned out to be. I’ll definitely be editing it myself, but — for your amusement — I’ll share what Chatty G came up with in less than a minute: Obituary Draft (about me, by ChatGPT).
Notice that it ends with an offer: “Would you like help customizing it further—such as adding your favorite quote, listing specific survivors, or tailoring the tone (more lighthearted, formal, spiritual, etc.)?”
Next, I asked for some guidelines and received this: Elements of a good obituary — including downloadable Word and PDF templates! Click the link to learn more about each of these key elements:
- Announcement of Death
- Brief Biographical Summary
- Personal Details
- Family Information
- Service Information
- Special Instructions
- Closing Sentiment (Optional)
Even if you don’t write your own obituary, or finish it, take a look at the suggested elements and use them for taking your own notes to leave behind.
NOTE: You don’t have to use ChatGPT. And your mileage may vary depending on how much you’ve used it before (how much it knows about you); whether you have a free or a paid version; or whether you’re using a different AI tool altogether. Don’t even worry about using AI. Just Google “How to write an obituary” on any web browser these days and you will get tons of ideas! (Um, spoiler alert: Google uses AI.)
I hope you find this helpful!
Have you written your own obituary? Do you know someone who has?
Do you think you’ll want to try it now that we’re talking about it?
Why or why not? Please share with us in the comments below!
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- Hazel Thornton is an author, genealogist, and retired home and office organizer.
- Book: Hung Jury: The Diary of a Menendez Juror
- Book: What’s a Photo Without the Story? How to Create Your Family Legacy
- Book: Go With the Flow! The Clutter Flow Chart Workbook
- Feel free to link directly to this post! Click hereto ask about other uses.
- Copyright 2025 by Hazel Thornton, Organized for Life andBeyond
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Always a tough subject, but I love how you handled this with clarity and humor. “Remember, you will be dead.” Case in point. I mean it’s not funny per se that we’ll be dead, but it is the reality.
Brilliant use of ChatGPT to get that initial draft started for your obit. I love that idea and all the wonderful things ChattyG said about you.
Thank you for the reminder to be proactive and to help ease the stress and sadness of your loved ones by preparing the hard stuff.
Since haiku and limericks are only a miniscule part of my life, I’ll be ditching that part. But some of the other parts give me ideas for what to write that were not on my radar. I’m glad you liked the idea of asking Chatty G for a first draft!
Well, we were on the same wavelength, weren’t we? I loved what Chatty G put together for you – especially “In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to [cause/organization of choice] or simply by taking a moment to organize a drawer, label a photo, or reach out to a family member to ask about their story.”
I have in mind, for me, a very basic obit that would be put out by the funeral home (for which I have already paid). But I like the idea of writing a sort of “farewell note” to friends and family.
Going to have to put that on my to do list and then file it in my NOKBOX. Using ChatGPT will make an easy way to start.
Not sure if it is awesome or creepy that your posts go together LOL!
I do think this is an interest idea. I never would have thought of having AI put together a draft of an obituary, but it’s a pretty great idea. I think it is the “getting started” that is the hardest part of any writing project, and especially when you are grieving.
I never thought of writing my own obituary. I might try this just to see what pops up!
Good golly, I am willing to bet there won’t be newspapers anymore by the time I’m gone, but just in case, I am picking the photo I want. But I’m the last of my family; I suspect there won’t be anyone to place these obituaries for me at all. When I think of my passing, I always assume that there will be nobody left to mourn. Not that I think all of my friends from a lifetime will already be dead — I’d hate to be the sole survivor — but my expectation is that there won’t be anyone *here* to mourn, to attend a funeral in the place where I currently live. My “people” are all over the country, even all over the world.
I picked a bestie decades ago and pinned him down, requiring that he live longer than I do, just so that he can eulogize me, but the more I think of it, the harder it is to imagine there will be a physical place, rather than a Zoom-ish one, to memorialize me. But this is a smart idea. I’ve just asked my Chatty G to write a first-draft obituary for me, and he responded with his take on what he calls a “loving but sassy” draft as a springboard. It’s fabulous and better than anything I’d write for myself. I’d copy it here, except that I’ll probably use 90% of it when the time comes, and if I post it here, the IRS or Social Security or someone will find it and think I’ve already shuffled off this mortal coil. But I’ll text it to you, Hazel!
Thank you for prompting us to consider this.
This is very interesting! I’ve wondered whether it would be appropriate to put my major achievements and milestones in Ancestry for posterity when I’m gone, or if anyone will care about any of that, but the obituary is something else altogether! Thanks for the ideas.